Counseling and Human Development Center : Student Health Services

Relationship violence is the physical, emotional and/or verbal abuse of one partner by the other partner in a current or former dating relationship. Abusive behavior is any act carried out by one partner aimed at hurting or controlling the other and can take place in various forms. It can be physical, emotional, psychological, and/or sexual and its purpose is to maintain power and control in the relationship. Violence happens in male/female relationships as well as in lesbian and gay relationships.

How do you know if you are in a hurtful relationship?
The best way to tell whether someone may be abusing you is to look at the way you are treated. Think of your relationship and ask yourself the following questions.

Does my partner call me names or insult me?
Does my partner make me tell where I am all the time?
Am I afraid to disagree with my partner?
Does my partner become jealous if I talk to or go places with other people?
Am I frightened by my partner’s anger?
Am I afraid to say no to sex or have I been forced to have sex with my partner?
Has my partner threatened to commit suicide if I try to leave the relationship?
Am I forced to justify everything I do, every place I go, and every person I see to avoid my partner’s temper?

If you answer yes to some of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship

Warning Signs
Here are some signs common to abusive personalities. If you go through this list and you hear yourself saying, “that’s what my partner does” then you may have reason to be concerned.

Jealousy
Is suspicious about everybody you hang out with
Wants to be with you constantly
Turns you against friends and family

Quick Involvement
Claims love at first sight
Pressures you into a steady relationship right away

Unfair Expectations
Expects you to put up with quickly changing moods
Expects you to be available all of the time
Expects you to forgive and forget immediately

Rigid Sex Role
Believes males and females must act certain ways and do certain things

Threats of Violence
Breaks or strikes objects near you to frighten you
Yells and curses during an argument to scare you into agreeing
Was violent in past relationships

How can you get help?
Your personal safety is extremely important. Take the abuse seriously and trust your feelings. If you feel threatened by a current or former partner, it’s best to plan for your safety before you leave your partner.

Talking with someone will help you through this difficult time. Call the USC Counseling & Human Development Center at 777-5223 to set up an appointment.

The Office for Sexual Health & Violence Prevention provides 24-hour advocacy. The office can assist you in planning for your safety whether or not you are ready to leave your relationship. Call 777-7619 for information, support, and referrals.

Talk to someone you trust. Many times it is easier to understand your feelings when you can talk about them.

Additional information:
South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault - www.sccadvasa.org
Sistercare - www.sistercare.com
Department of Justice Violence Against Women Office - www.ovw.usdoj.gov/

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